Adulting is HARD. Period.

Throw in all the stress from work, home, childhood trauma, what is going on in the world, etc. and we’ve just amped it up to feeling nearly impossible at times.

Am I right?!

If you’re with me so far, it’s highly likely that your internal world can be a bit tumultuous at times too. The balancing act can seem like you’re riding a unicycle across a dilapidated tightrope that stretches precariously across the Grand Canyon.

The wild thing here is that the most powerful tool we can bring to this scenario is our thoughts. I have had this *idea* hammered into my head since before I can remember.

“You choose your thoughts.”

“Just fix your mindset.”

“Think positive.”

Puke.

As you can see, I don’t have the fondest memories of this line of attack.

Yes. Thoughts are powerful.

Yes. Our thoughts have the ability to change our reality.

But…

It’s a SKILL like any other. It needs to be taught. It needs to be practiced. It needs to be adjusted and honed for each individual. 

So, in the interest of doing that and avoiding a blanket, “Just fix the shit already.” I’ve gathered some REFRAMES that have been helping me tap into the power of my own brain.

They’re not a – do it once & see magical changes – type of thing. Newsflash – nothing is. But personally I have seen and FELT shifts within me while using these reframes and I am convinced that as I continue to utilize them, I will continue to see improvements.

Every little step forward counts loves.

“My brain thinks (is saying)…”

I am not my thoughts.

Distance. This reframe helps us distance ourselves from the thoughts that are running through our heads. When our brain thinks, “I’m lazy.” Instead we shift it to, “My brain THINKS I’m being lazy.” 

There is something about shifting from first person to third person that supplies a perspective that not only helps us breathe a little easier, but it also helps remove the seeming reality of the statement. ”I’m lazy.” feels like TRUTH. But saying, “My brain thinks I’m being lazy.” allows us to observe and assess this statement in a MUCH more unbiased way.

The more you can replace the 1st person with a 3rd person perspective, the more space you will create between you and your thoughts. This space allows you time to slow things down and observe. Remove the judgment and allow yourself to just BE whatever is taking place at the moment.

Being in a place of understanding and grace is MUCH more productive than being in a place of judgment or condemnation.

“This is only temporary.”

It will pass. This is just a phase.

Personally, one of the hardest parts of a negative thought spiral is the panic-inducing feeling that it will stay FOREVER. 

It’s like my ability to judge time has completely gone out the window and everything has gone warp speed…bee-lining it into the worst-case scenario version of every terrible news-heading, horror movie, or murder mystery novel I’ve ever read. Thanks Criminal Minds.

Hit PAUSE. Breathe deeply. ”This is temporary.” Say it once. Say it twice. Say it as many times as you need to until you can FEEL it to be true in your body. Part of our issue with this one is just that, we disassociate. We jump forward or backward to a different time. We lose track of the NOW and our own bodies.

PAUSE.

BREATHE.

“This is only temporary.”

“What do I need?”

What can I do to make this easier?

“I can’t do this.” ”This is too hard.” When these two phrases pop into your brain or out of your mouth, pull up the “What do I need?” reframe. 

Ask yourself what you need, not to fix whatever issue is coming up, but to CARE for YOURSELF. Sometimes the feeling that something is impossible or too difficult is merely a product of us being so drained that EVERYTHING seems impossible. 

Start small. A cup of tea. A warm bath. A walk. A chat with a friend. 10 minutes of silence. A sprint around the block.

Many of us have become so accustomed to caring for OTHER people, that we’ve lost track of or never learned how to properly take care of ourselves. We don’t even KNOW what we need.

So experiment with things too. When I typed, “A sprint around the block.” I thought, “Oof, who is going to do that?” but if you’ve never tried it, you don’t know how that might positively affect your body and your brain. 

Start by making a quick list of things that bring you joy or calm. Do a google search to make another list of things you’ve never tried. Work with those for a while and see what really helps you connect with your body and reduce stress. 

Create a list of “quick” fixes that can be incorporated at a moment’s notice and create another list that you can purposely sprinkle in throughout the day or week (add them to a routine that already exists or start a routine with just that!)

“This is supposed to happen.”

This is meant to happen.

Another thing my brain likes to do is get stuck on statistical anomalies or the idea that if I just plan everything out the *right* way, then I can prevent any issues.

This means that when things go wrong, I’m immediately tracking back to identify WHY it occurred…looking for blame or cause. The thought is that if I can just figure out WHY then I can prevent it from happening again.

Unfortunately, this is HUGELY flawed (because obviously the universe is uncontrollable) AND what happens then is I’m stuck. I’m fuming about how, “This never should’ve happened.” and “if only x, y or z would’ve been done properly we wouldn’t be dealing with this issue.” So all of my energy is going towards the WHY instead of the WHAT NOW. 

Again, I am transported into the past instead of being connected to the NOW. Reframing this into, “This is supposed to happen” almost feels like a switch is being flipped. Like, “Oh, OK. This was supposed to happen so let’s just figure it out.”

It has an oddly effective way of clearing my negative energy. I’d love to hear your feedback on this one because I’m SUPER curious if it’s just me!

*NOTE* You can still reflect on how to refine systems or habits in order to continue to improve, but the idea is that you do it LATER after the REALITY of the situation has been addressed and you’ve had time to recover from what threw you into the spiral in the first place.

“This is happening FOR me.”

NOT *to* me.

This reframe is new for me. I just heard it recently and it felt HOPEFUL. I’m sure that is why it struck a chord. 

If you struggle with depression, are experiencing burnout, or live in overwhelm, hope can seem like a far off concept. ”This is happening FOR me.” leaves space for the unknown…for positive possibility.

I may not know WHY it is happening right now, but switching the *to* out for *for* brings curiosity. It’s almost like a little puzzle or scavenger hunt is created in my brain. I start searching for the ways that the experience can bring growth, expansion, and positivity versus being stuck in the hard, horrible feelings that threaten to overwhelm me.

Additionally, the *to* to *for* switch helps pull me out of victim mode. When we are the victim, we give our power away. It puts us in a fairly unproductive, helpless position.

This is an EXTREMELY DELICATE concept. To be clear, this is not a way to blame anyone OR to draw blame away from the person or structures doing harm. 

In contrast, this reframe is a way for us to search for and grasp onto whatever power we may still have at our disposal. It has the ability to leave space for the NOT KNOWING without filling ourselves with hopelessness or panic.

With all that being said,

All of these reframes are simply TOOLS in a toolbox. I’ve used this analogy before, but it is so fitting when it comes to mental health. Humans are messy. What we need shifts and changes with time, with context, with our cycles (shout out to all my peoples with a uterus!), etc.

These REFRAMES provide us with a much needed PAUSE and an even more needed extension of grace. 

I REALLY recommend digging deeper into these reframes with journaling – shocking I’m sure ;).

If you’d like a resource that will guide you through this process, you can access the Reframing Negative Thoughts Journal Set here. It includes the image just above with a quick overview of each reframe.

I’d love to hear how the journaling goes. Feel free to share via email or even Insta.

Talk soon, friends.