Ok – so we’re jumping into the new year…
after barely scraping, scratching, and crawling our way to winter break.
If you are a teacher, YOU. GET. THIS.
Teacher burnout is no frickin’ joke. Oftentimes it seems like we’re breaking the year down into chunks so we can simply “get through” to summer. This is no way to live…believe me…I know.
I had to take a step away from the classroom because I was so far gone, the thought of continuing teaching made me want to curl up in a little ball and hide in a closet in my basement…
at least it would be quiet there.
I put in my resignation. I couldn’t even fathom taking a sabbatical and trying to come back after that. I was cashed. Finished. Done. Traumatized – and I’m not using this term lightly. (As someone who has experienced SA, I’m fully aware of what that sensation feels like).
When I thought of education, my stomach turned and my entire body objected. It was a full, “Fuck no.” for me. It was everything I could do to put one foot in front of the other in order to get to the end of that year.
Why am I telling you all of this?
Because it has changed. What I thought would NEVER change, has shifted. Am I ready to go back? No…not yet.
I’m still not well…
but I’m getting there.
Each day I feel a little bit lighter. Each day I remember more of what I absolutely loved about teaching [and yes – I have been back in the classroom (I’m still subbing.) so I’m not just going crazy-er ;)]. My heart, my mind, and my body are slowly re-opening to the possibilities of returning.
BUT…
I know that the return will be WILDLY different. What I’m learning most during my time away, is how much MY OWN PATTERNS amplified the challenges I was faced with.
I was a “go-getter”, an “overachiever”, a “try hard” as the middle schoolers like to say. I bypassed every single signal my body was giving me because for some reason or another, “I couldn’t quit.” I couldn’t do less.
I couldn’t choose my needs “over” the needs of everyone and everything in front of me.
I ran myself into the ground.
Though, I realized I was on this trajectory about half-way through my 10 years of teaching and did some shifting (like not taking any grading or planning home in the evenings), I still didn’t shift enough.
What I understand now, was the shifting I needed to do MOST was the way I talked to myself in my head. The underlying beliefs I was operating with were placing undue stress and an incredible amount of pressure on my shoulders.
In the teaching profession, it can be EXTREMELY DIFFICULT to feel like any amount of “doing” is ever enough. The list never ends and about twenty different entities are constantly adding to it. There is always a new curriculum to adapt, new strategies to learn, a new administrator to adjust to, and obviously, new students to attend to. This doesn’t really even scratch the surface of it all.
Bottom line – the amount of shit (yes, shit) that is coming at you is not changing any time soon. This is where YOU and what YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER comes into play.
YOU decide what to give your energy to.
YOU decide how to divvy up your time.
YOU decide where you show up and where you don’t.
YOU decide that what you do is enough (this one is a little tricky – I know).
Now – I’m not one for a tough love strategy. I hate it actually. It makes me feel unseen, unheard, and unsuccessful. So I want to be clear here – I got you.
It is NOT YOUR FAULT that you are struggling.
Even though it might be our brain that’s doing the monologuing…that monologue was largely created without our conscious control.
Now is the time where we get to shift that. We get to START noticing, and move towards working to control it.
Noticing is the first step…GRACE is the second.
This shift, noticing and extending grace, will be a practice that comes BEFORE changing actions – we’re not ready for that yet.
Ultimately, there will be plenty of routines and structures that need to shift (I’ll write about that later). But none of these routines or structures will be sustainable if the mind isn’t fronting the change.
What I mean is, if I do the changes because “I have to” or its “what’s recommended”, that means that when I struggle or misstep or “fail” my brain will just beat me up about it like usual.
On the other hand, if I first DECIDE TO BELIEVE:
I deserve better. I am worthy of rest. MY NEEDS are just as important as the needs of others.
Then, I will recognize that perfection is not a thing and any struggles, missteps, or “failures” are part of this process.
What I’ve realized in this time away,
is that this shift doesn’t happen with a snap of your fingers. It doesn’t even happen because you’ve DECIDED the things above. This is why I keep using the word PRACTICE.
It will take A LOT OF PRACTICE,
to build this new pathway in our brains. Come on – we’re teachers – we know how brain development and growth mindset works!!
If I first build the practice of noticing and giving myself grace, I start to become aware of how often my brain is not supporting me; how often my brain offers me thoughts and messages that are unhelpful or even harmful; how often my brain (my body) is sending me messages that I need something DIFFERENT than what I am giving it now.
Being able to understand and listen to our own body and the needs it is presenting us with is what will eventually help us build the routines, structures, and BOUNDARIES we desperately need.
So, no…I don’t have a big, fancy list this week. I don’t have “the solution to all of your problems”.
All I have is this:
- DECIDE that you deserve REST and that you’re needs matter.
- NOTICE your thoughts and simply observe them.
- Give yourself GRACE – you are a human, doing your best to do human things.
Change will come…you just need to let it take time.
Oh, crap – look at that. I did have a list after all.
Give it a go. Let me know how it feels.
If this hits for you, and you want to continue to hear more. You can subscribe to my email list. I can feel as I’m writing this, that I’ve barely touched the surface.
Want to explore this topic more on your own?
Anyway, that’s it for now.
Talk soon, friend.
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